Anxiety & emotional distress
Feeling overwhelmed, constantly worrying, or finding it difficult to settle or switch off.
A thoughtful space for reflection and change
Understanding yourself. Finding a way forward.
Sometimes we find ourselves struggling with feelings, relationships or situations that we don't fully understand. Therapy can offer space to explore what's happening, make sense of your experiences and consider what might help.
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Recognising your experience
Perhaps things aren't quite as straightforward as they seem.
You might understand something intellectually, yet still find yourself feeling or responding in familiar ways.
We don't always know why certain situations affect us so deeply, why patterns repeat in our relationships, or why our usual ways of coping no longer seem to work.
Our experiences are shaped by many things: personal history, relationships, circumstances and the meanings we attach to what happens to us. Exploring these connections can sometimes help us see our difficulties differently and discover new possibilities.
What might bring you here
There are many reasons
to seek therapy.
You don't need to have everything figured out before starting. Sometimes the first step is simply recognising that something isn't quite right.
Relationships & intimacy
Difficulties with trust, closeness, boundaries, conflict or recurring relationship patterns.
Low mood & disconnection
Feeling empty, stuck, unmotivated or less connected to people and activities that matter.
Self-esteem & identity
Struggling with how you see yourself, feelings of inadequacy or uncertainty about who you are.
Past experiences & trauma
Experiences that continue to affect how you feel, think, relate to others or experience the present.
Change, loss & uncertainty
Navigating transitions, bereavement, difficult decisions or questions about meaning and direction.
How I work
A space to understand, make sense of and work through what feels difficult.
I offer an open, collaborative and reflective form of therapy. Our work is guided by what you bring, with space to explore your experiences at a pace that feels right for you.
People come to therapy for many different reasons, and there isn't a single formula that works for everyone. I draw on different psychological perspectives to help us make sense of what's happening and to support meaningful change.
Many of the ways we struggle today may have developed as ways of managing difficult experiences or protecting ourselves. What once helped us cope can sometimes become restrictive, shaping how we see ourselves, relate to others and respond to situations. Therapy can help us understand how these patterns developed and consider whether different ways of thinking, feeling and relating might now be possible.
I don't believe in applying the same method to everyone. The way we work together develops from our understanding of your particular difficulties, experiences and needs. Sometimes this involves exploring longstanding patterns; sometimes working with difficult memories, examining habitual ways of thinking or trying different ways of responding. The approach follows what we come to understand about you.
Making connections
Understanding rarely comes from looking at one thing in isolation.
Our experiences, relationships, feelings and ways of responding can influence one another. Therapy offers room to notice these connections and consider what they might mean for you.
The focus of our work
What therapy can offer.
Depending on what brings you to therapy, our work might involve exploring some of the following areas.
Understanding patterns
Exploring recurring ways of feeling, relating and responding, and how they may have developed.
Relationships
Looking at the impact of past and present relationships, including the ways we connect, cope and sometimes feel stuck with others.
Emotions
Making sense of difficult or overwhelming feelings, and finding more space and flexibility in how you experience and manage them.
Difficult experiences
Working with distressing experiences and their lasting impact on how you feel, think and relate.
Different perspectives
Developing new ways of thinking about yourself, your situation and your options, which can open up possibilities for change.
Identity and meaning
Exploring questions of identity, values, life direction and what gives life meaning, particularly at times of transition or uncertainty.
Psychological
understanding Integrative
practice Wider
perspectives
understanding Integrative
practice Wider
perspectives
The approaches that inform my work
Different perspectives, held in conversation.
My formal therapeutic training includes existential psychotherapy, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and EMDR, each offering different ways of understanding and working with psychological difficulties. Alongside this, psychodynamic thinking is an important influence on my clinical work, encouraging us to explore how earlier experiences, relationships and feelings outside our immediate awareness may shape how we relate, cope and make sense of ourselves today. I also draw on systemic perspectives, which bring attention to the wider relationships and circumstances in which difficulties arise.
I draw on these perspectives thoughtfully, rather than assuming that one model or technique will suit everyone. Our work remains collaborative and responsive to your experiences, needs and hopes for therapy. The aim is to create space to think, feel and reflect together, and to explore what might help you move forward in a meaningful and sustainable way.
At the heart of it is a collaborative process — a space to think, feel and reflect together, and to explore what might help you move forward in a way that feels meaningful and sustainable.
What brings people to therapy
You don't have to find the right words straight away.
People seek therapy at different points in their lives and for many different reasons. You may recognise yourself in some of the experiences below, or your reasons may be harder to define.
Anxiety, worry and feeling overwhelmed
You may find yourself constantly anticipating what could go wrong, struggling to switch off, feeling on edge, or becoming overwhelmed by situations that once felt manageable. Perhaps you understand your worries but still find them difficult to shift.
Low mood, emptiness or feeling stuck
You might feel low, disconnected, unmotivated or unable to take pleasure in things. Sometimes there is a clear reason; at other times, it can be difficult to explain why life feels this way or what might help.
Relationships and recurring patterns
You may notice familiar difficulties emerging in relationships: finding it hard to trust, feeling anxious about closeness or rejection, struggling to express what you need, or repeatedly becoming caught in similar dynamics.
Self-esteem, identity and self-criticism
You might be hard on yourself, feel you are never quite good enough, or find it difficult to know what you want. Questions about identity, belonging, confidence or how you see yourself may be taking up more space than you'd like.
Trauma and difficult past experiences
Experiences from the past may continue to affect your sense of safety, your relationships or the way you respond to situations in the present. You may experience distressing memories, heightened alertness, avoidance or feelings that are difficult to make sense of.
Loss, change and uncertainty
Bereavement, separation, changes in work or family life, becoming a parent, ageing or other transitions can unsettle our sense of who we are and where we are going. You may be facing decisions or questions that don't have straightforward answers.
Anger, emotional regulation and inner conflict
You may experience emotions that feel intense or difficult to manage, or find yourself reacting in ways you later regret. Perhaps different parts of you seem to want different things, leaving you feeling conflicted or unsure how to respond.
Questions about meaning and direction
Sometimes the difficulty is less about a particular symptom and more about a sense of uncertainty, dissatisfaction or disconnection. You may be questioning your choices, values, relationships or what you want from life.
A possible pattern
How a difficulty can keep repeating.
Sometimes a situation activates an expectation shaped by earlier experience. This can influence how we feel and respond, and the consequences may then reinforce what we already expect. The details differ from person to person; therapy can help make these connections easier to recognise.
Not sure where to begin?
You don't need a diagnosis or a neatly defined problem to start a conversation.
Sometimes it is enough to know that something doesn't feel right, that you would like things to be different, or that you want a space to think things through. We can begin with whatever feels most important to you.
Get in touchAbout Peter
Experienced, thoughtful and interested in understanding what matters to you.
I'm Peter De Santis, a psychotherapist and counsellor with more than 16 years' experience supporting people through a range of emotional, psychological and relational difficulties.
My professional experience includes university counselling and private practice, alongside shorter placements in prison and offender services and drug and alcohol rehabilitation. These placements were not specialist roles, but they broadened my understanding of the challenges people can face in those contexts and the circumstances that may shape their experiences. I have been working in private practice since 2014 and currently work as a Senior Counsellor in higher education.
Working in different settings has given me the opportunity to meet people from varied backgrounds and circumstances. It has reinforced the importance of understanding each person in the context of their own experience, rather than making assumptions about what their difficulties mean.
My training and continuing development
My formal training includes a Master's degree in Existential Psychotherapy and Counselling, training in cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), and qualification as an EMDR therapist. I also have a foundation qualification in counselling. I am an Accredited Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP).
My clinical thinking continues to develop through further learning, reflection and supervision. I have explored psychodynamic and systemic perspectives through independent study, shorter training and continuing professional development. These ideas inform my thinking, but I do not present them as formal specialist qualifications.
I aim to offer a therapeutic relationship characterised by openness, thoughtfulness and respect. My role is not to fit you into a particular explanation, but to work alongside you as we explore what you are experiencing and what might help.
Peter De Santis
Psychotherapy & Counselling
Beginning therapy
What might I expect from therapy?
Starting therapy can raise questions about what happens in sessions and what you are expected to do. There is no single right way to approach therapy, but a few things may help you understand the process.
Therapy isn't simply about talking — it is about making sense of your experience. As we explore what is happening in your life, we can begin to understand the feelings, relationships and patterns that may be shaping it.
Therapy is not a fixed sequence or a straight line.The work develops at your pace, with opportunities to pause and review.
It isn't about being given advice
Rather than telling you what to do, I will aim to help you understand yourself and your circumstances more clearly. This can make it easier to recognise what matters to you and consider the choices that feel right for your life.
You can speak freely, at your own pace
You can bring whatever feels important, including thoughts or feelings that are difficult to put into words. You do not need to prepare a polished account. If something makes it hard to speak openly, that too can be part of what we explore.
Talking can reveal patterns
As we explore your experiences, you may begin to notice connections between feelings, relationships and recurring ways of responding. New perspectives and possibilities can emerge, although this often takes time rather than happening all at once.
The relationship matters
Therapy is different from talking with a friend. It offers a particular kind of relationship in which your experiences, including feelings about the therapy itself, can be explored with care and curiosity.
It is okay to have questions or concerns
You can ask questions, say when something does not feel helpful, or talk about feeling uncertain, disappointed or frustrated. We can think together about what is happening rather than leaving those concerns unspoken.
Change and endings take time
Progress is not always straightforward or immediately visible. From time to time, we can review how therapy is going. When the time comes to finish, it is useful to allow space to reflect on what has changed and what you want to take forward.
This overview has been adapted for this practice from ideas in “What Should I Expect in Psychotherapy?” by Jonathan Shedler, PhD.
Psychology & therapy
Ideas for understanding yourself
Thoughtful, accessible explorations of emotional life, relationships and psychological change. These articles are intended to prompt reflection, not to provide a diagnosis.
Understanding yourself
Why do we keep repeating the same patterns?
Sometimes we recognise that a situation feels familiar even when we had hoped things would be different. Understanding why can be a starting point for change.
Understanding yourself
When the ways we cope become the problem
Many ways of coping begin as attempts to manage something difficult. The same strategies can become restrictive when circumstances change or when we rely on them in every situation.
Trauma and emotional experience
Understanding your window of tolerance
There are times when feelings become so intense that it is hard to think clearly, and other times when we feel numb, distant or disconnected. The idea of a window of tolerance can offer one way of making sense of these shifts.
Trauma and emotional experience
When it doesn't feel real: understanding dissociation
Feeling detached, unreal, distant or on autopilot can be confusing. Dissociation is one term used for a range of experiences in which aspects of awareness, memory, identity or perception feel disconnected.
Relationships
Why do we sometimes find relationships so difficult?
We may want closeness and connection while also finding them uncomfortable, uncertain or frightening. Understanding these tensions can help make sense of recurring difficulties.
Understanding therapy
Why understanding yourself isn't always enough to change
An insight can feel important and true, yet the same feelings and reactions may return. Psychological change often involves more than understanding something intellectually.
Understanding yourself
Why can it be difficult to see ourselves clearly?
Our feelings and expectations influence how we interpret events. Noticing the difference between what happened and what we think it means can create room for reflection.
Understanding yourself
Why do we sometimes feel like different versions of ourselves?
Conflicting wishes and feelings are part of being human. Exploring them with curiosity can help us develop a more integrated understanding.
Emotional experience
Why can some feelings be so difficult to process?
A look at how bodily cues, emotional awareness and reflection can help us make sense of feelings that are difficult to name.
Understanding change
Why does psychological change sometimes take longer than we expect?
Insight matters, but familiar responses may take time to shift. Change can develop through emotional experience, reflection and new choices.
Relationships
Why do misunderstandings happen in relationships?
We respond to the meaning we give an interaction as well as what was said or done. Curiosity can sometimes interrupt cycles of misunderstanding.
Understanding therapy
How can the therapeutic relationship help us change?
The relationship between therapist and client can become part of the work, offering a place to explore expectations, feelings and new ways of relating.
These articles offer general information and reflection. They cannot replace an individual assessment or therapeutic support.
A contemporary question
AI and therapy.
People increasingly use AI tools to think about their feelings, relationships and personal difficulties. I take an open and thoughtful approach to this. If you use tools such as ChatGPT, you are welcome to bring questions, responses or reflections into our sessions.
We can consider together what you found helpful, unhelpful or meaningful, and explore whether an AI-generated interpretation fits your experience. These tools can offer prompts for reflection, but they can also be inaccurate or misleading. They are not a substitute for psychotherapy, professional assessment or urgent support.
I also encourage care when sharing personal information with AI services, particularly identifying or sensitive details about yourself or other people. My approach is set out in more detail in my AI and Therapy Practice Policy, which is available on request.
Practical information
Making therapy work in practice.
It is important to have a clear sense of the practical arrangements before beginning therapy. These can be discussed when you make an enquiry, so that you can decide whether the arrangement feels right for you.
Sessions
Sessions last 50 minutes and cost £85. We can discuss how frequently to meet, taking account of what you would like to work on and what is manageable for you. The frequency and duration of therapy are considered together and reviewed as the work develops.
Appointments
WednesdayIn person · Mill HillOnline
ThursdayOnline only
Payment
Payment is normally made by bank transfer before each session. For clients who have begun ongoing work and established a regular commitment to therapy, monthly invoicing may sometimes be possible. This can be discussed and agreed together after the initial sessions.
01Make an enquiryTell me a little about what has brought you to consider therapy.
02Have a conversationUse a free initial telephone conversation to ask questions and consider whether we might work well together.
03Decide togetherIf we agree to proceed, I'll send the therapy agreement and intake form.
Further details
A few things worth knowing
How often and for how long?
Sessions usually take place weekly, although we can consider alternative arrangements where needed. Some people choose to work for a shorter period, while others prefer longer-term therapy to explore difficulties in greater depth. The length of therapy is not fixed in advance; we can review the work together as it develops.
Cancellations and missed sessions
I ask for at least 24 hours’ notice if you need to cancel or rearrange an appointment. Sessions cancelled with less than 24 hours’ notice, or missed appointments, will normally be charged at the full session fee. If I need to cancel, you will not be charged and I will endeavour to arrange an alternative appointment.
Confidentiality
What you share in therapy is treated confidentially. I discuss my work with a professional supervisor as part of my ethical practice, taking care to minimise identifying information. There are limited circumstances in which information may need to be shared, including where there is a serious concern that you or someone else may be at risk of harm, where safeguarding concerns arise, where disclosure is required by law, or where you have given consent. Wherever possible, I will discuss this with you before information is shared.
Online therapy
Online sessions take place using Zoom. It is important that you join from a private space where other people cannot hear the session. We will agree arrangements for online work before therapy begins.
Make an enquiry
You don't need to know exactly where to begin.
If you're considering therapy, you're welcome to get in touch. I can offer a free, no-obligation initial telephone conversation to discuss what brings you here, answer any questions and consider whether working together feels like a good fit.
Email Peter
info@peterdesantistherapy.co.uk
If it would be helpful, you are welcome to share a little about what has led you to consider therapy. Please avoid including highly sensitive personal or clinical details in an initial email. We can arrange a free, no-obligation initial telephone conversation, or continue by email if you prefer.